I'm alive! I'm ok! I'm ok! Trust me :D

This is long over-due, past due actually. I will give you a summary: Graduated from bar tending school. Left my job (seriously I did no bs), applied to college. My financial aid hasn't gone through, home life even more hectic, love life let's not start (that is for a time when I'm not rushing :D). Any way, I'm going to focus on the here and now. With all the things that's been going on I remembered why I started this blog. I did this to let people get an insight on not just my life but theirs. We all go through things and I'm no different from the people around me, we're all human so we all make mistakes.

It brings me comfort to do this, I'm telling people whats going on in my life, and I'm being completely honest about it. When I stopped writing it wasn't because I was busy or any lie like that. I didn't want to have to tell the truth through my writing, there will be times like this later in life. I don't have the time nor the inclination to lie and say: "I've dealt with it" or "I've learned to accept myself and I've grown". To me all those are lies that I tell myself, every time the sun rises I realize who I am all over again and learn every ugly piece.

Hm, on a HAPPY note: I will be having lunch with my mother in 12hrs, she has been there for me with everything in her power. She may not be my mother by blood but she is in my heart and I am her daughter. Along with her twin girls (age 11) I love my "little sisters" they are everything I ever wanted in sisters! I don't see them like I see her but they ask about me and in return I ask about them :D. She is a big part of my life and she isn't going anywhere!!

Another HAPPY note: I am going on a job hunt and I will demolish everything in sight until I am an employee of  Insert job title and Company here:???. It doesn't really matter to me, I'm perfectly fine pushing mop water around as long as I get a pay check. The only thing I'm not ok with is not going to college, I can't think of my life going anywhere with out it...(nothing wrong w/people who don't go to college) I always dreamed of it as a get away of learning..(I'm a nerd).

Last HAPPY note: I have fallen in love into the gyaru world this will probably be the last time I talk about it here. I've been researching for a while, so I wouldn't look like a dumb ass, so yeah. That's all I've got sorry (hehehe)

Take care, Be safe, Want more for yourself! 

In Motion

  Everything seems to be going in motion, liked I hoped. I was hoping and wishing;wondering where I would receive funds. As alot of people know, money is tight, so we have to pinch and save to get by. I'm registered under that category as of today!! :) I have a job! I won't go into details but I'm dipping and dabbing trying to earn more money. In the most weird and perfectly legal ways. I have registered for bar tending school!!! This is really happening, I'm so excited about this!

Now with that almost out of the way, (still making payments towards school); I can march up to CCBC Essex enroll and take my placement test with assistance in financial aid. Everything hopefully will go well if i stay on it. I'm very content right now, then after all is said and done I can work on my image. Gyaru or Lolita?

Walking with a Limp

 Things we do come with sacrifices, either big or small a sacrifice none the less. I'm going to attend the Maryland Bartending Academy (located in Glen Burnie)! It will be the most I've done since I turned 18, living with my boyfriend for seven months sitting on my ass wasn't working for me. Being with my great grandmother of 78 and triplet siblings age 11, isn't working for me either. I need to do something with my life and with the help of my friends i won't be alone doing something I most likely will be good at.

I am not comfortable with having someone taking care of me for half of my life or even a week of my life! Stuff like that causes problems and I always felt if you want your own shit go out and work for it. You don't know when your hand will turn crappy, what are the chances of me continually staying in the green? What are my chances of staying in the red? Always bet on black :). Always be cautious of the bad and hope for the good.

With bartending classes and me getting certified, I can be guaranteed a job with the school I will be attending. You must always have a plan, even when everything blows up in my face I always had backups. I don't want that anymore, no one has money to just hand to me I will break my neck to earn my money! I just want nice things and a full belly. Maybe when all is said and done I will go back to real school. I wanna see how far I can get without failure trailing behind me.

Just like evrybody else

When things look as if they will fall apart and we dash certain hopes and dreams to avoid a crash, we realize they could have stayed. The crash was either just a bump you barely saw, or a epic movie explosion-but they were worth something. Every little thing we hope or think about might add up in our lives to a colossal waste of time, but they are still beautiful! Each hope, wish, aspiration, prayer, dream, desire, and fear lead to the paths we want or do not.

We all want to live a good life with food in our bellies, and fewer things to worry about then when we started out. It seems the more we think the more complicated it gets, and when we think less the more hardships we should've spent time thinking about end up in a guerilla warfare. Leaving you barely surviving and confused of the brutal attack, life is complicated but I want to enjoy it while I can.

I making this blog so I can at least go through some stages in my life and have a record of them. I want all the happy and miserable moments, from me: having a good time out on the town or depressed with nothing to cling to. I'm going to buy things, experiment with looks, people, share music and my interest.

Thanks if you care, and if you don't still have a nice day :)